I have this great mental image of me whispering in the ear of the naive 14 year old girl I wrote about last week and telling her....
When you are 30 on a cold night in JULY lost in the hills of rural Missouri under a blanket of the most beautiful stars you have ever seen you are going to dance around a fire with a group of witches and you are going to love every single second of it.
I love my life. It's just so awesome. IT. IS. JUST. SO. AMAZINGLY. AWESOME.
In January, when I was researching interesting places to visit during my church adventures, I came upon a website for Oak Spirit Sanctuary Church of Nature in Boonville, MO and was immediately intrigued. OSS is a non-denominational Wiccan church on 160 acres of Missouri beauty (I love this state!). They aren't exactly limited to Wiccan beliefs. It's a melange of Wiccan, Pagan, Faerie, Native American, Norse and Celtic beliefs along with whatever feels right in the moment. There aren't weekly church services at OSS, but instead rituals are based around lunar cycles and specific holidays. I set aside a date to attend one of their Lunar Rituals in the summer.
Then roughly 4 seconds later it was July and I was driving down a gravel road in The Middle of Nowhere, MO with my partner in crime Rebecca wondering if perhaps I had made a mistake.
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| Where are we? What the hell are we doing? |
After 2 hours of driving west from St. Louis we took turns down various gravel roads moving deeper and deeper into nothingness. I could feel it....the excited nervousness bubbling in my stomach and shooting little tingles all over my body. We were close. We had to be. Then. Finally. We saw a house with a pentagram on the siding and yard busy with the play of face-painted little children. We had arrived at Oak Spirit Sanctuary...and we had no idea what to do.
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| The main house. This is where we ate and there are places for non-campers to sleep. |
There was no place to park. There were no signs. There was no organization. No one seemed to even notice we were there. I drove through the property and found a girl setting up her tent. I offered her my questions and in return she gave me some answers. We parked by where we would be camping overnight, grabbed the food we had brought for the potluck dinner, and walked down another gravel path toward the main house to introduce ourselves and get the lay of the land.
A smiling bearded man wearing a straw hat named Tom threw his arms around me and hugged me tight saying, "Welcome home!" I smiled and explained our first time visitor status. Rebecca received her bear hug and we were shown around the property. There were children running everywhere and people milling about the lawn doing crafts and talking and getting drums together for the upcoming drum circle. It looked and felt and smelled like a hippie commune.We brought our dishes into the kitchen and were introduced to the kitchen witch, Kerry. Again we were given tight hugs and greeted with "Welcome home!" We were told to go and set up our tent (we were camping overnight) before dinner, so we headed back down the road to choose a campsite - setting up our tent near the community meadow and the location of the night's ritual.
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| Prettiest church I've ever seen. This was the site of the ritual. I danced around that fire pit. Uh huh. |
Now, don't get me wrong, I wore a super cute red flowy baby doll dress with leggings and a cardigan along with full make-up and perfectly styled curls to this shindig, but I'm not a girlie girl when it comes to camping. Once when I went camping in Kansas I was presented with the option for an air mattress in my tent. I was disgusted. I am not a princess! When I camp, I sleep on the earth. I pee in the woods. I listen to nature. I'm entertained by the stars. I get really stinky and gross. I just prefer doing all those things in an adorable dress. That's just who I am.
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| Here is (some of) The Goddess Shrine |
I grew up a sophisticated hillbilly in the great state of Missouri with parents that believed in having culturally affluent children and friends that believed in wild free-spirited outdoor adventures. I love camping. I love art museums. I love fishing. I love fine dining. I love barefeet in the grass. I love fancy dresses - especially ones that twirl. I love hippie festivals. I love the symphony. I love it all. And it's because of all these experiences that I can blend in anywhere - no matter what I'm wearing or what's going on around me.
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| Rebecca reflecting at the stump circle. |
I didn't feel strange at OSS. I felt at home. I felt fully comfortable in my own skin and fully free to do/be/feel whatever I needed to in the moment without fear of being judged. And I mean fully free. If I wanted to take off my clothes and start bocking like a chicken and manically peck at the ground it would have been completely fine. How many churches can you say that about?
Before dinner we all gathered around the table and held hands and the ladies said a blessing that sounded a lot like something from The Craft but was basically just your standard "bless this food" prayer. Then we ate. The food was yummy. Rebecca and I brought spinach salad with feta and cranberries and special roasted pecans my grandmother makes along with homemade lemon squares. All were consumed quickly. I find that one of the quickest ways to make a new friend is to make them something delicious to eat. Rebecca and I just landed ourselves so many new friends.
I love Rebecca with all my heart. We have ALL the fun. This experience wouldn't have been the same without her. There isn't an adventure she isn't down for. Even with her newly dyed bright pink hair she blended in easily. Rebecca also possesses that wonderful ability to fit in wherever she goes. Together we are a force to be reckoned with. Like a glitter tornado of friend making power.
Because we were raised well, Rebecca and I offered to help with the dishes. Sadly, only women were helping out in the kitchen. Kerry asked if I wanted to wear an apron over my "pretty little dress". We cleared the table and helped put things away before the ritual began.
*Sidebar* Did you know that Pagan/Wiccan rituals are done sober? Yes. Yes. Yes. No drinking or drug use until AFTER the ritual is complete. Luckily Rebecca already knew this and passed the info along to me, because at 9:00 on a Saturday night it's rare to find me WITHOUT a glass of wine.
Even though it was the end of July in Missouri - a time of year that is generally so hot you "sweat balls" as my friends would say - this particular evening was quite chilly. So Rebecca and I gathered warm attire to wear during the ritual. Standing at the car we watched as several women wearing velvet cloaks and flowy dresses began waving sticks on fire and walking around the circle. Some of them were contorting their bodies. Some of them were howling.
Oh my. What have I gotten myself into?
This was our first ever ritual. We didn't know what to do. We didn't even know if we could join. Should I wear my hoodie, you know so I have a hood? Should we just sit back and watch? Is it okay to chew gum? What HAPPENS during these things?
Screw it. Let's do this.
We walked up to the entrance of the circle and were greeted by a lady with long silver hair covered by a black velvet cloak with head jewelry across her forehead.
"Do you enter the circle with an open mind?"
"Yes."
"Do you enter the circle with an open body?"
"Yes"
"Then you may enter."
A lady with a burning stick of smelly something draped me in smoke.
Okay then.
There were only 8 or so people in the circle at that time. We did our "circles" around the fire as many times as we felt like doing and then sat down on the bench and waited for everyone to gain entrance into the circle (at more formal rituals you walk around 3 times clockwise and never counter-clockwise). People quickly realised this was our first ritual and were cackling with excitement. "Oh! This is your first time! Oh my! You are in for a treat!" I was handed a mustard yellow scarf and it was explained to me that I would need it for the ritual. "For what?" I questioned. "For dancing" she explained. As I looked around almost all of the women were sporting scarfs and barefeet. So, I took off my shoes and draped the scarf around my shoulders.
The circle began to fill with excited people swaying to the music, maybe about 30 people total. Drummers took their places along the benches. Statues and flowers surrounded the blazing fire in the center of the circle. We waited for instructions.
*Sidebar* Pictures will not be included in this section because pictures are not allowed at rituals. They ask that you don't photograph individuals because not all Pagans/Wiccans are "out".
A lady named Victoria, a self proclaimed Ecstatic Wiccan Buddhist, would be leading this particular lunar ritual. We were asked to stand and set an intention for the ritual. Was there any specific healing energy we needed? We were encouraged to share with the group.
Then the rules were explained:
1. You were allowed to leave and return to the circle as needed (this is not true of all Wiccan rituals)
2. Remain open in body and mind.
Victoria explained this ritual would be about movement and channeling the elements within, but first we were to walk around the circle and introduce ourselves.
I've been to LOTS of churches and almost every church has a moment like this - a greet your neighbor moment. Usually people stay within their little area and offer handshakes and "good mornings" and occasionally hugs. This was just a wee bit different. As I walked in a circle around the fire I met every single person, told them my name and exchanged deep bear hugs and occasionally kisses.
Michael Franti began to sing on the outdoor speakers Victoria set up and the drummers began to make beats. It was time to move. The first element was Earth. With our feet rooted in the ground we were encouraged to be trees. Victoria moved around the circle swaying and bending like a tree trying to get us to break free of our human bodies and not only dance like the Earth but fully become the Earth.
Okay. I had to giggle to myself. Really? Be a tree? Am I really standing around a fire with a whole bunch of witches dancing like trees? Is this really happening?
I used my scarf to cover my smirk. This was silly. But I came here to fully experience a Wiccan/Pagan ritual and I've never been one to care about being silly anyway. So, I let go. Completely. And I danced with all the Earth inside me. I was a tree. I was a beautiful strong tree with long purposeful branches.
Next. The song changed. It was time for Water. Victoria urged us to leave our safe spot. To move freely. To circle backwards and forwards around the fire. So I did. I used my scarf to make waves with my arms. I felt the water all through my body. I was fluid and cool.
When Fire came around I was fully loose, in the moment and moving around the circle freely. My fire was sexual - hot and intense and capable of amazing things. My hips moved in sensual patterns to the deep rhythms of the music. My fire was unpredictable. It changed directions. It changed movements. It grew high. My yellow scarf became an extension of my flames. I was out of control - coming up to fellow fires and breathing my flames in their faces. I felt wild, but free. It was glorious.
The beat stopped and the music became flowy like a summer breeze. Air. My scarf became my wings and I spun around people and fluttered like a faerie. I closed my eyes and moved with the wind of my soul (kinda like that Cat Stevens song).
The music stopped and it was time to be still. Time to be silent. I sat in half lotus and pressed my hands to my heart and thanked my inner Goddess for the moment. Then slowly I returned to Sarah, but not the same Sarah I was before the ritual. I felt free and balanced and AMAZING and high as a kite (again for the record there were no drugs or alcohol involved in the ritual). I ran up to Rebecca, whom I barely interacted with during the ritual and tackled her to the ground with a giggling bear hug. She was giggling as well. We both had enjoyed ourselves immensely and were now drunk on energy. BUT we were also giggling because now it was okay to drink the wine we brought. HOORAY FOR EVERYTHING!!!!
The group was buzzing we energy. Kerry came up to us and asked, "Are you girls witches together somewhere else?" We just giggled. I knew without even looking at Rebecca that she was as complimented as I was. "No. This was our first ritual, remember?" Kerry showered us with praise for our ability to fit in flawlessly and go with the flow. We were asked to return to another ritual as soon as possible.
A group of fire spinners and fire breathers were performing that night for the group while a drum circle beat out fantastic rhythms. (I wish I would have taken pictures or video but honestly I completely forgot about the blog at this point.) We grabbed our wine bottles and watched from afar. We needed some time to process the experience. The next hour went something like, "That was amazing." 5 minutes of silence. "Oh my god the stars are so beautiful out here." 10 minutes of starring at the sky. Drink. Drink. Drink. "I just can't get over how amazing that was." Finally when we regained control of our bodies we joined the group and met two adorable gay boys who lived at OSS and we ended up hanging with them for the rest of the evening.
We laid out under the breathtaking beauty of the stars by our private fire and drank wine and beer and ate organic rice crackers and talked about other communes we wanted to visit and discussed their belief in faeries as well as anarchist principles. We snuggled and giggled and sang Rocky Horror Songs and had a really really really good time. At the end of the evening the boys offered us a night time blend of herbs they used for relaxation - lavender oil, Valerian root and other LEGAL things. The mixture worked quickly and soon we were all headed to bed (the boys lived in a sustainable shed in the "village"). Rebecca and I put on extra layers of clothes as the night grew rather cold.
Then in the morning I woke up to this...
We packed up our tent. Washed our hands in the BATHROOM. Gathered all our trash (leave no trace) and got ready to leave. I threw on some tie dye pants and a pink top. This felt like the kind of place where I could wear my tie dye pants all day every day and that felt so nice. We headed up to the house to offer a camping donation and say our goodbyes. Kerry encouraged us to come as often as possible letting us know that after completing 13 visits during the 4 seasons we are full fledged members with voting rights. Or if we we wanted to live on the land it was $1,000 for a sustainable shed kit and property rights. But this was our home now, and that's why everyone was welcomed with "Welcome home!" and she didn't want us to leave without knowing it. We exchanged information so we could stay on top of all the Wiccan/Pagan events in St. Louis. Then with some final hugs and thank yous we got in our car and drove back toward our every day reality in St. Louis. Neither of us wanted to go, but hunger fueled our ability to leave.
Even though we were smelly and gross and basically wearing pajamas we stopped in Columbia at a rather classy Chinese restaurant and ate a sit down meal. We were both pretty out of it and spent the majority of the meal alternating between stuffing our mouths and giggling hysterically.
When we got back to St. Louis we stopped by the grocery store for Sunday supplies and I danced round the aisles with wild abandon because I could and I felt like it and this experience has helped me embrace my weirdness even more. Look out world. But seriously, what harm does dancing down the aisles do? If they didn't want you to dance then they shouldn't have been playing "Maniac" by Michael Sembello over the speakers.
I still feel high from the experience. I know it all sounds silly, but really, what religion isn't kinda silly? Putting ashes on your forehead is kinda silly. Believing a man rose from the dead and walked among the living is kind of silly. Believing the Earth was created in 6 days is silly. Thinking pouring milk over an altar is going to provide you with blessings is kinda silly. Bowing to various corners is kinda silly. I don't think believing in faeries or magical powers or spells is any more silly than all the other religions. But just like all the other religions/churches I've experienced I found things that spoke to me. I enjoyed channeling the elements within me. I enjoyed finding my inner Goddess. I enjoyed the freedom of the moment. I enjoyed being surrounded by strangers I immediately felt comfortable with and fully accepted by - that's a rarity I haven't found many places and it was a true gift this weekend.
I would go back in a heartbeat and I will participate in every ritual I possibly can because I found it enormously healing. This doesn't change who I am, it adds to who I am. I'm not going to start reading people's Tarot cards or casting spells or wearing velour pantsuits. Hmm...or am I?
Blessed be.
Oh my. What have I gotten myself into?
This was our first ever ritual. We didn't know what to do. We didn't even know if we could join. Should I wear my hoodie, you know so I have a hood? Should we just sit back and watch? Is it okay to chew gum? What HAPPENS during these things?
Screw it. Let's do this.
We walked up to the entrance of the circle and were greeted by a lady with long silver hair covered by a black velvet cloak with head jewelry across her forehead.
"Do you enter the circle with an open mind?"
"Yes."
"Do you enter the circle with an open body?"
"Yes"
"Then you may enter."
A lady with a burning stick of smelly something draped me in smoke.
Okay then.
There were only 8 or so people in the circle at that time. We did our "circles" around the fire as many times as we felt like doing and then sat down on the bench and waited for everyone to gain entrance into the circle (at more formal rituals you walk around 3 times clockwise and never counter-clockwise). People quickly realised this was our first ritual and were cackling with excitement. "Oh! This is your first time! Oh my! You are in for a treat!" I was handed a mustard yellow scarf and it was explained to me that I would need it for the ritual. "For what?" I questioned. "For dancing" she explained. As I looked around almost all of the women were sporting scarfs and barefeet. So, I took off my shoes and draped the scarf around my shoulders.
The circle began to fill with excited people swaying to the music, maybe about 30 people total. Drummers took their places along the benches. Statues and flowers surrounded the blazing fire in the center of the circle. We waited for instructions.
*Sidebar* Pictures will not be included in this section because pictures are not allowed at rituals. They ask that you don't photograph individuals because not all Pagans/Wiccans are "out".
A lady named Victoria, a self proclaimed Ecstatic Wiccan Buddhist, would be leading this particular lunar ritual. We were asked to stand and set an intention for the ritual. Was there any specific healing energy we needed? We were encouraged to share with the group.
Then the rules were explained:
1. You were allowed to leave and return to the circle as needed (this is not true of all Wiccan rituals)
2. Remain open in body and mind.
Victoria explained this ritual would be about movement and channeling the elements within, but first we were to walk around the circle and introduce ourselves.
I've been to LOTS of churches and almost every church has a moment like this - a greet your neighbor moment. Usually people stay within their little area and offer handshakes and "good mornings" and occasionally hugs. This was just a wee bit different. As I walked in a circle around the fire I met every single person, told them my name and exchanged deep bear hugs and occasionally kisses.
Michael Franti began to sing on the outdoor speakers Victoria set up and the drummers began to make beats. It was time to move. The first element was Earth. With our feet rooted in the ground we were encouraged to be trees. Victoria moved around the circle swaying and bending like a tree trying to get us to break free of our human bodies and not only dance like the Earth but fully become the Earth.
Okay. I had to giggle to myself. Really? Be a tree? Am I really standing around a fire with a whole bunch of witches dancing like trees? Is this really happening?
I used my scarf to cover my smirk. This was silly. But I came here to fully experience a Wiccan/Pagan ritual and I've never been one to care about being silly anyway. So, I let go. Completely. And I danced with all the Earth inside me. I was a tree. I was a beautiful strong tree with long purposeful branches.
Next. The song changed. It was time for Water. Victoria urged us to leave our safe spot. To move freely. To circle backwards and forwards around the fire. So I did. I used my scarf to make waves with my arms. I felt the water all through my body. I was fluid and cool.
When Fire came around I was fully loose, in the moment and moving around the circle freely. My fire was sexual - hot and intense and capable of amazing things. My hips moved in sensual patterns to the deep rhythms of the music. My fire was unpredictable. It changed directions. It changed movements. It grew high. My yellow scarf became an extension of my flames. I was out of control - coming up to fellow fires and breathing my flames in their faces. I felt wild, but free. It was glorious.
The beat stopped and the music became flowy like a summer breeze. Air. My scarf became my wings and I spun around people and fluttered like a faerie. I closed my eyes and moved with the wind of my soul (kinda like that Cat Stevens song).
The music stopped and it was time to be still. Time to be silent. I sat in half lotus and pressed my hands to my heart and thanked my inner Goddess for the moment. Then slowly I returned to Sarah, but not the same Sarah I was before the ritual. I felt free and balanced and AMAZING and high as a kite (again for the record there were no drugs or alcohol involved in the ritual). I ran up to Rebecca, whom I barely interacted with during the ritual and tackled her to the ground with a giggling bear hug. She was giggling as well. We both had enjoyed ourselves immensely and were now drunk on energy. BUT we were also giggling because now it was okay to drink the wine we brought. HOORAY FOR EVERYTHING!!!!
The group was buzzing we energy. Kerry came up to us and asked, "Are you girls witches together somewhere else?" We just giggled. I knew without even looking at Rebecca that she was as complimented as I was. "No. This was our first ritual, remember?" Kerry showered us with praise for our ability to fit in flawlessly and go with the flow. We were asked to return to another ritual as soon as possible.
A group of fire spinners and fire breathers were performing that night for the group while a drum circle beat out fantastic rhythms. (I wish I would have taken pictures or video but honestly I completely forgot about the blog at this point.) We grabbed our wine bottles and watched from afar. We needed some time to process the experience. The next hour went something like, "That was amazing." 5 minutes of silence. "Oh my god the stars are so beautiful out here." 10 minutes of starring at the sky. Drink. Drink. Drink. "I just can't get over how amazing that was." Finally when we regained control of our bodies we joined the group and met two adorable gay boys who lived at OSS and we ended up hanging with them for the rest of the evening.
We laid out under the breathtaking beauty of the stars by our private fire and drank wine and beer and ate organic rice crackers and talked about other communes we wanted to visit and discussed their belief in faeries as well as anarchist principles. We snuggled and giggled and sang Rocky Horror Songs and had a really really really good time. At the end of the evening the boys offered us a night time blend of herbs they used for relaxation - lavender oil, Valerian root and other LEGAL things. The mixture worked quickly and soon we were all headed to bed (the boys lived in a sustainable shed in the "village"). Rebecca and I put on extra layers of clothes as the night grew rather cold.
Then in the morning I woke up to this...
I love waking up to the sky and the trees and the sunshine and the (usually) soothing sounds of nature. We were still high from our experience and spent most of the morning staring at the sky and smiling.
Funny thing...after spending the entire experience using the woods as my restroom (I'm not shy about such things). I found an actual bathroom across from our campsite called Frog Bog. Silly me, I thought Frog Bog was just an homage to the magic of frogs. But in actuality it was a place with an actual (non-flushing) toilet, OUTDOOR and indoor showers and running water with real soap and a mirror so you could see indeed just how crazy you really looked.
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| The place had SO MANY FROG STATUES. |
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| Each stall had art. Fairy frogs. Potty Poems. When I saw the outdoor showers I nearly died. A moonlit shower in the forest. How wonderful. The bathrooms were really cool. |
We packed up our tent. Washed our hands in the BATHROOM. Gathered all our trash (leave no trace) and got ready to leave. I threw on some tie dye pants and a pink top. This felt like the kind of place where I could wear my tie dye pants all day every day and that felt so nice. We headed up to the house to offer a camping donation and say our goodbyes. Kerry encouraged us to come as often as possible letting us know that after completing 13 visits during the 4 seasons we are full fledged members with voting rights. Or if we we wanted to live on the land it was $1,000 for a sustainable shed kit and property rights. But this was our home now, and that's why everyone was welcomed with "Welcome home!" and she didn't want us to leave without knowing it. We exchanged information so we could stay on top of all the Wiccan/Pagan events in St. Louis. Then with some final hugs and thank yous we got in our car and drove back toward our every day reality in St. Louis. Neither of us wanted to go, but hunger fueled our ability to leave.
Even though we were smelly and gross and basically wearing pajamas we stopped in Columbia at a rather classy Chinese restaurant and ate a sit down meal. We were both pretty out of it and spent the majority of the meal alternating between stuffing our mouths and giggling hysterically.
When we got back to St. Louis we stopped by the grocery store for Sunday supplies and I danced round the aisles with wild abandon because I could and I felt like it and this experience has helped me embrace my weirdness even more. Look out world. But seriously, what harm does dancing down the aisles do? If they didn't want you to dance then they shouldn't have been playing "Maniac" by Michael Sembello over the speakers.
I still feel high from the experience. I know it all sounds silly, but really, what religion isn't kinda silly? Putting ashes on your forehead is kinda silly. Believing a man rose from the dead and walked among the living is kind of silly. Believing the Earth was created in 6 days is silly. Thinking pouring milk over an altar is going to provide you with blessings is kinda silly. Bowing to various corners is kinda silly. I don't think believing in faeries or magical powers or spells is any more silly than all the other religions. But just like all the other religions/churches I've experienced I found things that spoke to me. I enjoyed channeling the elements within me. I enjoyed finding my inner Goddess. I enjoyed the freedom of the moment. I enjoyed being surrounded by strangers I immediately felt comfortable with and fully accepted by - that's a rarity I haven't found many places and it was a true gift this weekend.
I would go back in a heartbeat and I will participate in every ritual I possibly can because I found it enormously healing. This doesn't change who I am, it adds to who I am. I'm not going to start reading people's Tarot cards or casting spells or wearing velour pantsuits. Hmm...or am I?
Blessed be.
My husband is from Boonville and his whole family still lives there. I've been going there for years and never knew about this place. I was actually in Boonville this weekend too. Small World...
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