My Childhood Friend Became a Pastor and Her Sermon Made Me Think About Things

Is it just me or are congregations getting smaller? Are fewer and fewer people going to church? There are several studies that say there are indeed fewer people going to church - at least fewer going on a regular basis. I have an overwhelming desire to site articles and research studies, but this ain't grad school or Lincoln Douglas debate so let's press on.

The choir didn't know the songs either. We've
got to work on our singing people! 

Sometimes when I visit a church I feel like I'm witnessing the fall of Rome. I see myself 30 years in the future with gorgeous curly gray hair saying, "Oh yes. I was there. People used to wake up on Sunday morning and put on these things called "panty hose" and go to a giant building filled with long benches where they would awkwardly sing oddly worded songs and recite things together and listen to a person talk about this really old book that was supposedly written by God." Most likely hipsters will buy up these old unique looking buildings and turn them into Speakeasies or art galleries or thrift stores or we will all have vintage stained-glass in our homes or whatever will be cool in 30 years.

Are churches dying? The congregations certainly are.

Me and my dear Grandmommy. She hates pictures. This is
as close to a smile as she would agree to.

Oh, don't get mad. I love old people. In fact, before church I went to visit with my nearly 102 year old great grandmother. She's amazing and ornery and I adore her. But she doesn't go to church. She's done lived out her church goin' days and now she sits in a chair and reads or watches the birds or sleeps. Nursing homes are filling up with former church goers, but no one is coming to take their seats in the pews. What is the fate of the church? Are churches dying because they are no longer relevant? Do we care?

Why am I going to church?

When I go to church I want to be awoken in some way. I want to have a new thought or a new insight or a new feeling or a new question. A good sermon can accomplish these things and my dear friend Becky Schwandt knows how to give a good sermon. She had me thinking about all kinds of things.

Becky is the pastor at Southminster Presbyterian Church in Springfield, MO.  I've known Becky since she was 13 - before either of us had gotten our periods or kissed a boy. Yeah, me and this girl go way back. We used to stay up late reading Bible verses to each other. We were locker partners during middle school and high school. We were roommates all throughout college - back when me and Rev Becky used to take breaks from paper writing by having "costume smokes" where we put on weird outfits and smoked cigarettes on the front porch of our dorm. We traveled Europe together surviving off nicotine, beer and friendship. Yeah, Becky's not some high brow self righteous pious preacher. Nope. She's a down to earth regular gal who happens to be really smart and has a close relationship with God. I think that's why her sermon was so accessible.

I don't have much to say about the actual service. The church is this huge triangle building with giant ceilings that make you feel very small and very disconnected from others around you. The singing was your standard awkward out of tune mumbling. They pray and make announcements and take offering and do other church stuff. At one point Becky poured water into a bowl and said some words I didn't listen to. I have no idea what was going on there. They did a children's message which is always fun, because children's faces often reflect the confusion we are all feeling. There was a lot of that repeating things together crap. The usual. Standard church fare bores me.

BUT...

Becky's sermon I really enjoyed. It was clear, concise, accessible, memorable and insightful. I would expect nothing less from a Drury graduate. Her topic was "The Longview" and trusting God's plan for us. She talked about Abraham and how he had hard a time being patient and waiting for God to fulfill his promise to give him a child. Her message: Be patient. Be obedient. Trust God. Good things will come.

Oh Rev. Becky. I understand what you are saying, but I struggle with this one.

What about Carpe Diem? What about live in the moment? We've all seen RENT - No Day But Today - right? I am a live in the moment kind of girl. Screw the consequences. Damn the Man! Who knows what tomorrow will bring? Who knows if there will be a tomorrow? Who says God has a plan for me anyway? Who says I want to follow God's plan? I do what I want.

Truthfully though, living in the moment is often a gamble. Sure, sometimes you end up at some crazy party drinking fancy drinks and dancing the night away with some glittertastic drag queens until the wee hours of the morning. But other times you end up walking 2 miles home wearing only a stranger's t-shirt with your contacts glued to your eyeballs and your head pounding. If you are a live in the moment person you must take the good with the bad. It's ain't always pretty.

But at least you know. There's no guessing "what might have been if..." I can't stand not knowing. I can't stand the thought of missing out on an experience. I'm the last one to go to sleep. I close down the bar. I don't want to miss one second. What if I wait for "God's plan" and nothing happens and I've missed out on all that fun/occasional shame and sorrow? What if "God's plan" is as boring as a traditional church service? What if God is just some concept we created to help us make sense of the chaos that is life and therefore there is no plan because there is no God and we are all just flailing around on this planet until we die and are buried in the ground?

I am full of questions. Well played Becky. Well played.

I do believe in God and I believe in Fate and I believe in a Plan. Kinda. I question it often. But then I have these moments where I can feel something greater at work. Then I feel good about my beliefs for a moment and then something else happens and I question everything again. It's a vicious cycle. This sermon came after a week of tragedy and death. Not tragedy that touched me personally, but those close to me and my family. It seemed like every day there was more bad news - someone else killed, someone else sick. How does that factor into the "longview"? How do gas leaks and mass spread cancers and strokes and heart failure factor into the longview?

I don't pray often, but I prayed at Becky's church. Well, I don't know if it was really praying. I said the many names of those I know who are experiencing deep sadness and uncertainty this week over and over. I said your names and I thought about you and I tried to send you my love. Does this do anything? No. Probably not. Sometimes it makes me feel better to know people are thinking nice thoughts about me, especially at times when I struggle to come up with nice thoughts myself.

I feel sad. Monday Sarah feels sad. Sunday Sarah only thought about these things briefly and then put them in a box that said "Don't Open Until Monday" so she could enjoy the Oscar party and all the food and fun without having to worry about it being ruined by sad feelings. I'm a great compartmentalizer. Woo.

Let us not end on a sad note. Life is a crazy journey. At least we don't have to do it alone, right? Thank God for that.

(I will now search the Internet for something to make us feel a little happier.)

Ah! I have something. My cousin posted this the other day when she was feeling a bit yucky. It certainly brightened my day. Listen to these goats yelling like humans and remember life is beautiful, weird, but beautiful.

P.S. Thank you for reading this. You make me feel loved, so I wanted to send a little love back your way. If I know you, if I don't, if we are estranged, if we are acquaintances, if we share the same experiences and beliefs or if we are complete opposites - whoever you are - thank you for sharing this journey with me. 

Swedenborgianismisticexpialidocious

 No rich man's worth his weight in dust. Bury him down same as they'll do us. God wants us busy, never giving up. He wants nothing but the whole wide world for us.

- Jakob Dylan

 "Nothing but the Whole Wide World"

 

 

Someday I will make a list of all the things I love. High up on that list would be driving in the sunshine with the windows down, my hair wild and free, listening to an amazing song, and singing as loudly as possible.

 

Sarah Drives to Church in the Sunshine Playlist:

1. Kishi Bashi - Manchester

2. Xavier Rudd - Follow the Sun

3. Jakob Dylan - Nothing but the Whole Wide World

4. Blitzen Trapper - Furr

5. Alt-J - Tessellate

 

 

Mmm. Best morning drive ever. Hmm, it's 10:59. What?! Oh my god! It's 10:59!!! I'm late! Where is this place?! Oh my god! I'm lost. I'm late and I'm lost! Ahhhhh!!!!

 

After a slight turn around, I find The Church of the Open Word (Garden Chapel) - a Swedenborgianism church in Creve Coeur. I'm about 7 minutes late (I hate being late). I jump out of the car and run up the stairs to the front door. I can hear the singing. They've already started. Crap. I figure I can just sneak in the back. No one will notice. I'll be really really quiet. I push open the door and enter the building looking tired but moderately adorable in my new seafoam cotton dress with tiny white flowers, a black cardigan, black leggings and black patent leather buckle shoes (my church shoes). Three steps later I am inside the main chapel and realize the joyous singing is coming from all of five people. There is no hiding my lateness. Plan B: Activate charming smile and sit down as quickly as possible.

 

Have you heard of Swedenborgianism? I hadn't.

 

Do you know how to pronounce it? I didn't. (Call me and I'll tell you. I don't understand phonics.)

 

Let's learn together! (Yeah, Yeah, Yeah)

       

Swedenborgianism was founded by Emmanuel Swedenborg, a Swedish scientist and theologian. Swedenborg had heavenly visions for some years- including conversations with angels, dead persons, and "demons" - then he had some revelations. Those revelations became Swedenborgianism in the late 1700's.

 

A Breakdown Of What I've Learned About The Beliefs Of Swedenborgians That I Think Are Mostly Accurate, But May Or May Not Be, Because Often Internet Sites/Books/People Are Full Of Lies:

 

1. They follow 2 main Commandments - Love God with all your heart and soul and love thy neighbor as thy self.  "Love is our very life" (a quote from a pamphlet on their beliefs)

2. They do not believe in The Trinity. (Father, Son and Holy Ghost) Jesus is God.

3. They think other religions are okay.

4. You should always be growing.

5. Question things. It's good.

6.  Hell is an internal state of evil. Heaven is an internal state of good.

7. They don't believe in a literal devil.

8. As a church they do not take a specific stand on social/political issues like abortion and homosexuality. Members are free to make up their own minds about such things.

9. What's true is true. What's false is false. (said by Swedenborg himself)

 

I should also include there are several websites that claim Swedenborgianism is a cult. I'll admit, the whole "I see dead people" thing is a little weird to me and hard to believe. But other than that, what I've researched about Swedenborgianism just kinda makes sense and actually seems less cult like than many traditional Christian churches.

 

Enough learning. Let's talk worship service...

 

So, super smiley Sarah gathered up all the necessary printed materials needed for today's service (bulletin, song sheets, etc) and sat down in the 2nd row of the tiny little chapel. A man named Paul was playing guitar and leading the group in song. A few more people trickled in and I didn't feel so bad about being late.

 

Oh how I love to sing! I will tell you, that tiny group of people sang with more volume and joy than any of the other churches I've attended who've had five times the voices. We sang lots of songs, so I just sang my little heart out. I miss being in a choir. I really do.

 

We prayed. We had a moment of silence. There was a ceremonial opening of The Word. Things were read. Joys and concerns were shared. Offerings were given. They did a lot of reading things in unison. You know, the usual church fare.

 

I greatly enjoyed this service. First off, the setting is beautiful and full of light. You can see the trees through the windows and the sun illuminates the whole room. The architecture of the building is actually based on Swedenborg's writings about the connection between spirituality and nature. The room is created of natural materials - stone and wood. The grounds surrounding the building are full of quiet places to reflect - including a meditation trail.

 

But mostly I enjoyed the service because it was positive. There was no "end of times" talk. There wasn't a listing of sins. There wasn't any bashing of other religions. There wasn't any guilt or condemnation. No one droned on for hours about so many unconnected things that I got lost and started playing M.A.S.H. (You know, the game where you marry Larry King and have 10 kids and drive a clown car and live in Death Valley? Tell me you know about this or I will feel very alone.) They talked about how God loves us and we should love each other. They talked about tools God supplies us with to navigate this world. They talked about sacrifice and forgiveness and love and love and more love. I found myself sending up a little gratitude to God -

(deep sigh). This week has been rather magical - music and friends and love and conversations round the fire and brownies and sunshine and snuggles. I've felt so much love this week. It's been overwhelming. I've literally felt full of love to the point where I thought I might explode kinda like Violet full of juice in Willy Wonka. It's been wonderful and so very needed. Thank you. Thank you for sending me here today. I don't think I could have handled another "believe what we believe or enjoy the sweaty blistering infernos of hell for all time" church. So, thank you for this moment and all the magical moments of this Valentine's week. Thank you for your love.

 

Then I did something I haven't done in a very very very long time....

 

I, Sarah Thomas, participated in Communion.

 

Now let me explain...

 

There are 3 main reasons I participated in this particular Communion (I'm really enjoying lists today. Deal with it.)

 

1. There were only 15 people in the whole room and Paul came around and offered it to each individual. It would have been inappropriate and a hassle to decline.

 

2. In my haste to get inside I left my water bottle in the car. My water bottle is another one of my security blankets. It's kind a like "My Buddy" - where ever I go it goes. It's sitting next to me right now full of delicious water. So, mid service I developed the very terrifying throat tickle and started to panic. I was in bad need of a drink and I was presented with a small cup of wine. Ask and ye shall receive, right?

 

3. The way Communion was presented was my main deciding factor. There was no - "All believers of Jesus may now take refreshment while sinners must remain parched in their evil ways." It was - "This is the Lord's table. All are welcome. Eat, Drink, remember him and try to live according to his teachings." He didn't say anything I didn't agree with. So I ate and I drank and I felt good about it.

 

After service they served refreshments. A sweet little table with apple slices and cheese and cake and other little nibbles was set up and people hung to chat. I grabbed myself a large cup of juice to ease my remaining throat tickle and explored the space. Several people came up to me and introduced themselves. I was asked if I had been married in the chapel. One of the ways this small church survives is off hosting wedding ceremonies. When I googled, "cutest church in st. louis" there was a listing of several wedding blogs with this church's name on it several times.

 

 

So, there I stood, unmarried, and drinking my juice. I browsed their extensive literature section and armed myself with some knowledge about Swedenborgianism beliefs. A woman named Emily approached and inquired about me and my life. I've been really hesitant to tell anyone at the churches I've visited about what I am doing. I told one lady at the Quaker meeting who privately e-mailed me and I told Emily. She and I chatted for a while and she told me some about the Swedenborgian belief structure and why it spoke to her and I shared some of my church experiences with her. She was incredibly kind and open minded. I enjoyed our chat greatly and decided I would stay after at more churches from now on.

Before I left, I look a tour of the grounds. I found the meditation trails. I was warned they were in a sad state. They were. I had to crawl through tangles of sticks to get to the sign that marked the meditation trail. That made me sad. In my brain I was thinking it would be nice to get a group together and clean up these trails. It wouldn't be hard. We wouldn't need much. I know I can't go around doing service projects at every church I visit...wait...yes, yes I can. I can do whatever I want. I'll see what I can figure out.

 

I spent a final few minutes sitting in the gazebo, reflecting in the sunshine. I thought about the concept of there being various paths to God. That makes sense to me, especially when I think about food. There are many ways to feel full. This world is full of endless flavors and tastes and ingredients. Whose to say what is right? Whose to say there is only ONE way to get full? True, some foods are healthier than others. Some, when eaten in excess will kill you. Some, even though they are healthy and many people enjoy them are absolutely digusting to me - like beets, blah, just cannot get on board with that one, but who am I to say it's not pallatable to you. Yes, I do believe it is getting close to lunch time. I am thinking in food.

 

 

 

To finish off this lovely morning I drove home with the windows down, the sun shining and my hair flying and sang this brilliant song "Manchester" by Kishi Bashi (click the video) over and over at the top of my lungs feeling full of light and love. It. Was. Magical.

 

Oh hello, will you be mine? I haven't felt this alive in a long time. All the streets are warm and grey. I read the signs. I haven't been this in love in a long time. The sun is up the sun will stay. All for the new day.

 

 

For more information about The Church of the Open Word please visit www.openwordchurch.com

They have Native American flute playing and poetry 1st Saturday of every month. Wanna go? I do!

 





 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Slaves to Jesus - Jehovah's Witnesses



Hello. Do you have a moment to talk? I would like to tell you about Moses.


Hannah gently explained her lack of availability to hear the riveting story of Moses as a group of wild and crazy ladies jumped around the house drinking mimosas and giggling, "I'm sorry. I have company right now." She took the pamphlet offered and closed the door. Lacey turned to me and asked, "So, are you going to go to the Jehovah's Witnesses church? Kinda seems like a sign doesn't it?" It did. So I went. Lacey, one of my bestest friends in the whole world, came too.

 

I was in Springfield, MO to celebrate my dear friend Kon's 28th birthday. We drank beer and wore suit jackets and had a glow stick fight and we danced and we cried and we laughed and had a really really really good time.

 

 

 

When Sunday morning arrived, I was a wee bit tired. Just a teeny tiny bit. I threw on a orangey-red cowl neck tunic and black leggings, tossed my hair into a messy ball of curls wrapped in a green polka dotted dew rag and didn't bother to wash off the previous nights make-up. I looked AMAZING. Lacey questioned what she should wear to the service. She was worried she would be inappropriate in pants. I called the only number I could find for the Jehovah's Witnesses church. A man answered the phone...

 

Man: Hello?

Me: Hello. Is this Kingdom Hall?

Man: No, but I am a Brother.

Me: Um, okay. Well, I'm interested in attending a service at Kingdom Hall.

Man: Which one? (apparently all JW churches are called Kingdom Hall, who knew?)

Me: One in Springfield, MO?

Man: Well there are several. (listing off places)

Me: What time do services usually start?

Man: Hmmm...around 10 usually.

Me: Are there any special dress codes?

Man: Not really. You know, you just want to dress as appropriately as you can.

Me: Okay. So there aren't any rules about what to wear?

Man: Not really. Just try to dress as appropriately as you can.

Me: Okay. Well, thank you very much. Have a nice day!

 

Dressed as appropriately as we could possibly be we entered Kingdom Hall - a small brick building without windows. Lacey was totally the only lady there wearing pants. We entered a large room with office-like chairs lined in rows in front of a small raised stage with a podium and a microphone. Within seconds of sitting down we were approached by several women (wearing dresses). Names were exchanged along with the information that this was our first visit to a Kingdom Hall. We were given Bibles and song books and work books for the Bible study portion of service. The order of the service was explained to us briefly - as there were no printed bulletins like in other churches. We met about 5 different women who engaged us in pleasant conversation. They were ridiculously friendly and approachable. Everyone was else was hugging each other and laughing and engaging in cheerful conversation.

 

Service started with a song. The song was awful. No one knew how to sing it. Especially us. It was awkward. Then we prayed. Then we sat down. Then this man, not a preacher or a minister, but a Brother got up to give a little talk. It was boring. So very boring. The only fun part of "the talk" was when we got to play the "How Fast Can You Find _____ Book of the Bible?" game. Ready? Okay! Daniel 6:9 Go! Now, Isaiah 14:5. Go! Revelation 16:3. (four seconds later) 1 Corinthians 17:2 Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Job 14:7-12. 2 Corinthians 9:15 Jeremiah 12:14 Go! Go! Go!

 

It's been a looooooooooooooooooong time since I picked up a Bible. How on Earth do you people find these pages so quickly? There are 66 books in the Bible for Christ's sake! You have them memorized? In order?!? The speaker must of used 20 different Bible references throughout his talk. That's a lot of page turning.

 

I only picked up a few things from Brother Terry's speech.

 

1. Our government is stupid and selfish (Couldn't agree more Bro Terry.)

2. The end is coming. Soon. (Hmm...well...)

3. God will do away with all imperfect human leadership. (Hooray!)

4. God will create a new world for the righteous. (Like a new planet?) (They consider the current world Satan's world.)

5. In the new world there will be no more healthcare. There will be no need. (Jehovahcare)

6. Something signifcant began in 1914. (I later researched and found that 1914 is when "the end times" began and Satan took over rule of Earth. My great grandmother was born in 1911. I must ask her what it was like before Satan took over.)

6. We must qualify for God's new world by living morally according to the Bible. (Ok. What page is that on? Never mind. I won't be able to find it in time anyway.)

 

Sidebar: I highly recommend reading up on JW's beliefs. There are some interesting ones.

 

Alright. We sang. We prayed. We listened to a boring talk from a man. Church is over now, right?

 

NOPE.

 

It's Bible Study time! Get out your workbooks, y'all. Break out them Bibles. Let's delve deep into the word of the Lord.



We turned to today's lesson in our Watchtower workbooks - You Are a Trusted Steward! This particular Bible study was about how we do not belong to ourselves. We belong to Jehovah. We are Jesus's slaves and must put his biding above our own. We must submit to God's will and be the kind of person Jehovah wants us to be (which is apparently a heterosexual non-drinker who only has sex in the confines of marriage).

 

 

 

 

 

So...two men stand on stage. One reads a short section of the lesson aloud and then the other asks the congregation to answer the study questions.

Example:

Man 1 reads: Jesus helps us to understand the relationship between master and slave. Once he spoke to his disciples about a slave who came home after working through the day. Does the master say: "Come here at once and recline at the table?" No. He says: "Get something ready for me to have my evening meal, and put on an apron and minister to me until I am through eating and drinking, and afterward you can eat and drink."

Man 2 asks: How does Jesus illustrate the relationship between master and slave?

People then raise their hands if they wish to answer the question and are called on BY NAME from Man 2 on stage. Then one of two men walking around with giant poles with microphones on them comes to you so everyone can hear your regurgitated answer. Five or Six people might raise their hands for each question. Men, women, old, young, believer, non-believer - all are allowed to answer questions.

 

Sister lady: We are to do the master's bidding before our own, but we still get to eat. Just after our work is done.

 

Lacey and I sat there taking in the scenary and reading through the interesting material in The Watchtower. Lacey pointed out an article about Invitro Fertilization and how it is wrong for lesbians to use such a procedure because it is a "Gross misuse of the sexual organs". Lacey is a lesbian who one day plans on having a family. We laughed.

 

Time was moving slowly and we were so very bored. Lacey was headed back to Kansas City shortly, so we had to cut out of Bible study early. All in all we were there for an hour and a half, and I would guess they had at least another hour of studying left to do.

 

Final Impressions about Jehovah's Witnesses:

 

* They are super friendly, warm, welcoming and very comfortable approaching new people.

* Their service is slightly more boring than traditional Christian services.

* This was the most diverse group of people I've ever seen in one place in Springfield, MO. Young, old, women, men, Asian, African-American, Hispanic...it was bizarre.

* This isn't an impression, but I just have to tell you that when we entered there was this SUPER pale and tiny lady weighing no more than 90 lbs with giant blue bugs eyes standing silently in the asile just staring and looking solemn. She looked like a ghost and talked with the tiniest voice. Only Lacey understands. She was terrifying.  

* Jehovah's Witnesses beliefs are strange, but not THAT much stranger than traditional Christian beliefs - God creating a new better world for the chosen few, women in a submissive role, homos are bad, duty to witness to others - this all sounds fairly familiar. The whole 1914 thing is weird, but in my experience, that's how it goes with organized religion. But the not celebrating birthdays or Halloween thing is just insane. I freaking love birthdays and Halloween is the greatest holiday ever.

 

So, this non-believer (or worldly person as JW's would call me) would like to wish Kendra "Kon" Konrady a super magical birthday full of sin and debauchery and love and cake and happiness.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



 

Snow Day!

I was standing outside the St. Louis Erotic Art Show, Naughti Gras, discussing the pros and cons of hallucinogenic mushrooms with a horned man when it started to snow. And then it kept on snowing and snowing and snowing...until the ground was covered with the fluffy white death powder.


I do not care for snow.

But on this particular evening, I found myself thoroughly loving the snow. You know why? Because I was with my friends. Friendship, at least the type of friendship I am blessed to have in my life, can make even the most unpleasant of experiences somehow magical. After the art show we played in the snow like giant children - throwing snowballs, making snow angels and swinging on a swingset. We just laughed and laughed and laughed. It was awesome. It was so cold, but it was awesome.



As the snow continued to fall, I realized church was most likely not going to be an option in the morning - especially since the Swedenborgianism church I had picked was a 30 minute drive away. See, I don't drive in snow, see. It scares me, see. I freak out and scream and drive 12 miles per hour, see. I just don't drive in snow. So in the morning, I didn't go to church.

But I'd like to tell you about what I did instead...

I woke early bursting with energy and song and ready to share my excitement for the day with my two sleeping friends who were significantly less song-filled than I was. There was name calling and death threats, but I didn't mind. It's 8 am! We've been sleeping for almost 5 hours! Time to get up! Let's play! I love you! Let's snuggle! Look at the snow! Get up! Get up! Get up! I come from a long line of morning people and I'm extraordinarily silly. The combination is dangerous. Dangerously awesome.

After a delicious breakfast of fistfuls of banana bread and cold coffee we headed out to explore the snow. My dear friend Rebecca had to head home to her husband and children (she slept over due to the random snow attack) which left me and one of my closest friends, Hannah, to our own devices. I had planned on getting early morning wine drunk (don't judge me, what do you think Jesus drank for breakfast?) and watching a televised church service. BUT, due to the Superbowl, church on TV was cancelled. Ha! Fate was clearly sending me a message - today is not for church. Today is a SNOW DAY!

Dressed in 2 pairs of yoga pants, 2 shirts, my Annie at the Landers sweatshirt from 3rd grade that still fits (depressing and yet somehow amazing), wool socks, rainbow rainboots, my raincoat, 2 pairs of gloves, my scarf and my purple hat I headed out into the snow with my dear friend. We made a feeble attempt at building a snow man, but the snow wasn't cooperating. This is a defining moment - the moment your plans don't work out and you must choose what to do next. This is where my love for Hannah explodes, because when I suggested we paint the snow with food coloring she didn't even blink. She looked deep into my eyes with an expression that simply said "Fuck yes" and helped me
gather supplies.

Hannah added a sailboat to her sunset over the ocean
masterpiece.

Hannah helped me create a tree to replace the
one they tore down last week.

 




Hannah and I became friends when we were 17. So it's fairly impressive that we still speak to each other because everyone knows at 17 you are basically an intolerable selfish asshole. Somehow we survived. Our friendship is rooted in one main concept - unconditional love. I've bitten Hannah so hard I drew blood. She's kept me up all night playing naked bbgun shooting outside my bedroom window. We've had screaming fights followed by months of silence. We've dealt with police officers, enraged ex lovers, the promises and perils of binge drinking and bad decision after bad decision. We've seen each other for the low life scum we can occasionally be and responded with one simple message, "I love you friend. Always".

This is a powerful experience. Letting someone see you, really really see you, and knowing they still love you, really really love you.

It's more than that though. We've survived the bad stuff, but we also delight in each other. We are crazy cat ladies and proud to be. We talk openly about poop and sex and religion and politics and everything in between. There's nothing we can't say to each other - and believe me we have really tested that one. We explore. We play. We dance. We sing songs - like washing dishes and singing R.Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly".  We laugh. Constantly. No matter where we are or what we are doing, we just enjoy each other. Our friendship is freeing. We accept each other fully, with no conditions and no expectations but to love and be loved.

Out there in the snow, in nature, the sun shining down on us, the birds singing sweetly, being silly and creating something beautiful with my friend who loves me unconditionally I felt close to God. Which makes complete sense to me, but might not to you. I felt like God provided that moment much as God provided me a kindred spirit like Hannah. But I also felt close to God because I was frolicking through a small piece of this incredible planet and I feel connected to God in nature. I believe God is all around us - in the trees, in the birds, in the people we meet and even in the snow. But perhaps the greatest reason I felt connected to God in that moment was because I felt so much love. I felt it from the sunshine. I felt it from my friend. I felt it from myself. And to me, God is love.



The love I felt in that moment carried on throughout the day. And I know I sound like one of the cheesy Christian people I'm often complaining about, but it felt like God was smiling on me. Because....

I found a random fortune on my kitchen floor that I must have carried in on my boots from the snow, because sadly I haven't eaten Chinese food in over a month.

I had to say goodbye to Hannah who lives in KCMO, but we get hang out again on Friday and dress in costume! And to comfort me while she's away she left me this awesome picture of a turtle flying a kite (it's an inside joke, because we're best friends and best friends have weird inside jokes.)














Then I went to the grocery store and there was a live bluegrass band playing (St. Louis is the greatest city ever!) and I danced through the aisles. I decided to dine at the salad bar for lunch on this fine Sunday and IT was even in a good mood.








So, not a church Sunday, but a damn fine Sunday indeed. Don't worry though. My church days aren't over. I have plenty more churchin' to do. In fact, the next church will come from my hometown of Springfield, MO for I'ma comin' home for a lil' visit (unless there's another freak snow storm. in which case i will most likely stay inside and get day drunk and won't write anything at all).


I wish you a day that is as magical as swinging in the snow with your best friend after a sex show! ♥