Reflections

Okay. I haven't been to church for 2 weeks.

Why not?

Last week I attended a cat funeral and wrote a really depressing post about pet death and death in general. It was sad. It wasn't finished until Friday at five o'clock. I am many things, but I'm not the kind of girl to crap all over your weekend with dead cats and grieving children. No. I'll save that post for later this week, because I didn't want to post it today either. Monday isn't a day for such things. In my opinion, sadness is best dished out on a Wednesday. That way, you don't start the week out on a sour note nor does depression rule your weekend. So just go ahead and pencil in "crying over cat death" on Wednesday and emotionally, spiritually, and physically prepare yourself for that.


Moving on...


Church. I haven't been. Well, actually I have. I attended a wedding in a church this weekend. Then we had a camp out in the woods. I made 200 Jell-O shots. It was awesome.

But that's not what I want to write about. Not today. There's a topic that's been on my mind for sometime and since Amazing Wedding + Whiskey Jell-O Shots + Dance Party + Tent Snuggles Under the Stars = No Church (other than the wedding ceremony) For Super Sleepy Sarah this is probably a good time to write about it.

The topic you ask? Get to the point you say? But I have six paragraphs of reflections from my childhood I want to share with you first. Ugh. Fine. We'll skip appetizers...THIS TIME.


Why do people go to church? This is a question I've been reflecting on for the past nine months. As a lady who went from a huge church devotee to emphatically anti-church only to become a regular church attender and church connoisseur I feel uniquely qualified to address this topic.  
 

 

Why Do People Go To Church?

 

1. Donuts and coffee?

2. Community/Friendship/Connection?

3. Learning?

4. Shared belief structure?

5. Free childcare?

6. Spiritual development?

7. To be saved/Forgiveness/Change life direction?

8. Tradition/Family pressure?

9.Peer pressure/Societal pressure?

10. To use the bathroom?



 

 

 

This topic has come up regularly for the past nine months. People frequently want to speak with me about their own spiritual journey and wish to find a church/gathering of similarly minded people. People who grew up in church but never attended as adults, people who never attended church, people who infrequently attend church and people who recently left their church have all spoken to me about their desire to find a "church home".

 

Why?

 

Why do people want to go to church?

 

Whenever I have a question my first resource is always Google. Frequently I ask Google to help me figure out the various facets of my life. I think of Google as the Dear Abby of our generation.

 

Dear Google, what should I make for dinner? Dear Google, what does the word "cupidity" mean? Dear Google, where can I find pink sparkle heart glitter in South City STL? Dear Google, I forgot to plan group therapy today. What book should I read? Dear Google, why did my relationship fail? Dear Google, here is a picture of this red itchy thing on my leg. What is it? Dear Google, tell me everything you know about attachment parenting for cats.

 

Google doesn't always give me an immediate answer but generally guides me in the right direction. But when I Googled "Why Do People Go To Church?" there weren't a lot of great answers. Most of the articles were about why people DON'T go to church. Well, duh. It can be boring and full of judgement and expensive and takes up some of your precious weekend time.

 

Church is a Christian term, I know that. But I'm not talking about seeking a Christian building with people inside. Church is my catch-all term for a spiritual gathering place. Temple, Zen Center, Synagogue, Place of Peace, cathedral, meeting hall, whatever you want to call it - why do people want to go to there?

 

 

Belonging. Connection. Growth. God.

 

 

You can have a beautiful fulfilling relationship with the spiritual on your own, but there's something special about sharing and experiencing your spiritual path with others. There's something meaningful about belonging to a group. Take fire spinning for example. Through YouTube videos and hours of self-practice you could become a great fire spinner. Maybe one of the best.  

 

 

But there's only so much you can accomplish on your own. People bring in new ideas, new concepts, new tricks, new resources. Not to mention fire safety. It's nice to have someone around with a blanket and a bucket of water in case you catch on fire. Plus, though you look rather impressive taming fire with your barehands it's even more impressive and downright magical when you and a group of people you know and trust do it together - in perfect harmony with rhythmic drumming the background.

 

 



Church is similar. It's a place to belong. It's a place to find connection. It's a place to grow. This God crap ain't simple stuff. The Bible? Reincarnation? The afterlife? How to live your life? Social issues? Prayer and meditation? Why evil exists? How do you make sense of it all? Whose ideas do you trust? These aren't simple questions and I completely understand why someone would seek out assistance with them, because trying to answer them alone is freaking hard and kinda scary.

 

 

 

Throughout this experience I've been presented with new concepts and new questions and new ideas and new resources. Church has provided me a new outlook on religion, life, myself, my beliefs, the world around me and so much more. Church has challenged me. Church has irritated me and sometimes infuriated me. Church has given me new questions. Church has given me a new perspective. It's kinda like college for your soul.

 

 

I like going to church. Did I just say that? Yup. I did. I've enjoyed challenging myself.  Each week I challenge myself to a different perspective, a different way of seeing the world and a different realization for myself. It's exhausting and I'm ready to take a break. I still have three full months left to delve further into the world of organized religion and I have quite a few more spiritual places left to explore. So these two weeks of rest and reflection were much needed.

 

 

Let the churchgoing continue....

 

 

 

 

 



Why I'm Not Posting This Week

SO....for those of you who are regular blog checkers you know I post every week without fail. Even if it's a late post.

Well...this week I'm not releasing an official post. Even though I wrote one.

It's just that it's kind of depressing and I don't feel like pooping all over every one's weekend. I'll save it and post it when it feels right.

It's about death - in various forms. It's making me sad and I don't want to proof-read it or talk about it anymore so I'm just gonna table it until I think it should be released.


Sorry for the no-post week. I promise it will be the only one.


(hopefully)


NOW! Go and have a super magical weekend!

You Guessed It - This Blog Post Is NOT Quite Ready

Notice anything interesting in this picture? I spy two things of interest.


Here's another interesting fact...


I haven't gone to church yet.


But I'm going to go and I'm going to write about it and it is going to BLOW YOUR MIND. It's going to be so inspired that Oprah and Ellen are going to fight over who gets to interview me first. But I'll just suggest we have a giant slumber party interview and invite all the fun talk show type people and I'll make margaritas and jello shots and get a fancy cheese tray and we can stay up all night painting each other's toes and doing facials and talking about God and feelings.



It's going to be *epic. So, just get excited.



Blog should be posted on Friday-ish. I know that's late, but...well...eh...see...I'm busy and church just can't happen till later this week. So, there.



Have a magical first week of fall y'all! Woo hoo!!!














*Blog author cannot guarantee epicness of future blog posts. This was purely a comical statement meant to illicit interest in the blog. No reader should expect epicness at any time. Thank you.

The Many Faces of God: Church of Divine Science

BEHOLD THE FACES OF GOD



God has such beautiful faces. Don't you think?

 

 

 

When I look at this picture I kind of feel like crying. You know, the good crying though. The "Holy poop life is so amazing and wonderful and I am so incredibly lucky" kind of crying.  I am madly in love with every single face you see. Madly, madly in love. The thing is, this is only a small sampling of the presence of God in my life. There are so many faces not pictured here. Your face probably belongs here. My life is filled with love. It always has been.

 

(Sarah now scrolls through all her pictures on her phone and facebook and recounts all the amazing moments she's gotten to experience and all the fantastic people she's gotten to know and then becomes nervous that she's having one of those reflective moments people have in movies before they die and is now super paranoid and scared. So, I guess this is as good a time as any to say I love you all and Lacey Dickson is the only person who can go through my stuff when I die.)

 

There was a short phase of my life where I saw God as something apart from me - as something beyond me, greater than me, separate from me. God was a King on a throne. God was high in the sky. God was a million solar systems away and Jesus was the only rocket who could bring us to God's space station among the stars. I would raise my hands up to the sky when I emotively sang praise songs reaching away from myself and toward the greatness of God.

 

I no longer feel this way. I no longer see God as Bette Milder described - from a distance. God isn't some lazy dude laid back drinking beer and watching the game. Nope. God hand crafted the beer and is the beer itself. God created the game, is managing all the teams, is playing every position, is cheering from the stands AND is the sportscaster relaying all the action. God is ALL THINGS. Including you and including me.

 

That's right. You, my friend, are God.

 

BOOM!

 

 

I believe this, but I don't fully understand why. This seems like one of those layered concepts - kinda like understanding all the dimensions of the universe - and 3D still kind of confuses me. So, I haven't worked out all the kinks yet in this God is ALL around us and in us thing. I doubt I ever will. But I enjoyed my visit to The Center for Divine Love - a Divine Science church in south city St. Louis because much of their belief structure met with how my view of God is evolving. Here is their Statement of Being, which was read aloud during the Sunday service.

 

 

God is all, both invisible and visible.
One Presence, One Mind, One Power is all.
This One that is all is Perfect life, Perfect love, and Perfect substance.
Man is the individualized expression of God and is ever one with this
Perfect life, Perfect love, and Perfect substance.

I am an individualized expression of God.

When I first heard that line I couldn't help but think Hmm. I'm an expression of God? Woah. Then God is super weird. God bursts into spontaneous song? God loves to eat chicken in the bathtub? God's favorite word is "poop"? God is a freak.

Like I said...I'm still working out the kinks in this concept.


I had driven by The Center for Divine Love a few times. It's in my neighborhood off the very lively Grand street. The name was enough to peak my interest. So I googled them and learned a little more about Divine Science and the Society for Practical Christianity - which is somehow affiliated.

I have no idea what the "Society of Practical Christianity" is. Many would say it sounds like an oxymoron.

 

Their website is very informative. It has lots of words. Most of the words sound like direct quotes from a bottle of Dr. Bronner's soap. I didn't understand most of what was being said. I got confused. My head started hurting and I gave up.  I've come to the conclusion that anything with the word "science" in it is beyond my level of understanding.

 

So, I turned to Wikipedia which usually can break things down for me into simple understandable terms.

 

 

From the Wikipedia on The Church of Divine Science:

 

Divine Science defines itself as "an organized teaching pertaining to God and the manifestation of God in Creation." It holds that its foundation truth is "that limitless Being, God, is Good, is equally present everywhere, and is the All of everything." It defines God as "pure Spirit, absolute, changeless, eternal, manifesting in and as all Creation, yet also transcending Creation" and that evil is therefore neither necessary nor permanent and has no reality within itself, but has existence only so long as human beings support it by believing in it.

 

 

Yeah. I still got nothing. I've read this six times and every time my eyes glaze over. Maybe it's all the random capitalizations. Why are certain words capitalized?!? I get names and places, but "Good" and "All" and "Creation"?!?!? Why?! What is happening?  

 

 

So, God is present in All things and God is in All of Us and We are All God and God is All around Us All the Time?

 

 

Fuck. I don't know. Let's talk about the service.

 

 

 Rebecca and I grabbed some egg souffles from Bread Co before church. Dang, those things are tasty! Covered in little flakes of buttery pastry crust I entered the building. There were a variety of signs in the entryway. They had those great old school black signs with the white plastic letters. Love those! They said things like "I've Got Peace Like a River" and other religious type quotes I don't remember.

We entered the sanctuary to a roaring crowd of twelve people. I knew from the name "The Center for Divine Love" (CDL) there wouldn't be many people in attendance. Large churches have simple names like The Journey, Faith Church, The River, etc. Churches with names that exceed 4 words tend to be smaller. This is just my experience.

Anyway...

 

 

 

We went inside and found a seat. We were welcomed with "hellos" and smiles. It was a small crowd of very sweet people. At the start of service a woman lit all the candles, but one wouldn't light. She kept trying to light it. I found this highly amusing and giggled, because I am easily amused and immature.  We sang some songs and said the Statement of Being. We read the Lord's prayer in the present tense, because it was explained to us Jesus's language, Aramaic, had no past or future tense. Then this guy, Ken Palmer, an adorable man in a palm tree golf polo shirt, went up to the piano and played the most beautiful music. I sat there mesmerized by his fingers moving across the keys. It was divine. Truly.

Then we meditated. This was my favorite part. With eyes closed and bare feet pressed against the floor we were asked to imagine roots growing from the soles of our feet. Little roots pushed out from my heels and grew longer as the crawled beneath the surface and buried themselves in the ground clinging to every bit of earth along the way.  This meditation made me feel strong, centered and grounded. It was one of the first group meditations I've ever actually enjoyed. It lasted 5 minutes, which is about as long as I can stand to be quiet and still.

The speakers at CDL rotate. This Sunday it was Rev. Tumpe who preached barefoot and walked around the sanctuary talking about us being God's sheep and letting God herd us. At the end of the service all 12 people held hands in a circle and sang a song Rebecca and I didn't know all the lyrics to. It was kind of  awkward. Holding hands with strangers makes me feel awkward.

This used to be a German Divine Science Church building. Wunderbar!

 

We were invited to join the congregation for snacks after church. Everyone requested we return for another visit. At almost every church I've visited someone has asked me to return. Sometimes when I tell people about this church journey thing they make comments on how "dangerous" it is and question how people treat me. "How do people react when you visit?" "Are they mean to you?" "Do they hound you with questions?" "Are they mad you don't want to join their church?" I understand these concerns. Church people have always kind of frightened/annoyed me. Ever since my teens I've assumed anyone who admitted to attending church on a regular basis was an ignorant arrogant bigot who was too stupid to see past the fallacies of organized religion.


My beliefs about church people have changed during this adventure. They've evolved much like my beliefs about God have evolved. Church people are just like me. Church people are me. I am church people. As I work out the kinks of this whole "God is All" thing I see God in more places and I am open to more things. I judge less and appreciate more. I've stopped separating myself and instead reflect on connection. There are more similarities between all the churches I've visited than differences. And there are more similarities between myself and the members of the churches I've visited than differences. That doesn't mean I agree with all the things I've seen and heard or that I want to do facials and get pedicures with all these people, but I no longer fear them or hate them. I see them as part of my journey as I am a part of theirs.

Don't get me wrong, I will never like Scarlett Johansson. I don't care that we are both unique individual expressions of God. There's just something about her I don't like and I judge the crap out of her for no good reason.

I have a lot of room to grow. Baby steps.

Divine Science confuses me. I get it. Kinda. Well, not really. The part about evil really confuses me. So, if we all just collectively stop believing in evil it will die like a fairy without applause? Eh...I don't know about that. But if God is All and God is Good then evil doesn't really factor into that equation. We just made evil up? Sometimes after a church visit I have flash backs to math classes in college where I spent most of the time saying, "What the hell are you talking about?"

All this God stuff exhausts and confuses me. So, just like I did after my college math classes I'm going to grab a glass of wine and go watch Dawson's Creek where the most confusing question is why Joey was ever interested in Dawson at all? Everybody knows Pacy was the dreamiest.


Cheers.

 

 

 



 



While I'm Working Here Are Some Cats

Hello all. I haven't finished fully formulating my thoughts about this week's church visit. So, while I am processing yet another piece of the puzzle enjoy some pictures from my weekend adventure with 8 kittens - 6 of which are newborns. On Friday Rebecca hopped some fences and broke into an abandoned house to rescue these little darlings and we've been taking care of them ever since. We're both exhausted and reek of cat, but crazy cat ladies have to do what crazy cat ladies have to do. Which this weekend ended up being drinking champagne and snuggling kittens.

Blog should be up Tuesday or Wednesday at the latest. I have some things to think about...

Until then, enjoy the KITTEN PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

We're All Going to Hell: The Cathedral Basilica

Hello.

You are going to hell.

Yup. You, my friend.

You will burn in the fire-pits of Satan's kingdom for all eternity.

Reading this blog post is probably enough to get you a one way ticket to a never ending inferno of torture and pain, but even if you stopped reading right now, this very second, you would still be doomed. So, you might as well read on and drink a glass of wine while you do it.

Here is a very short list of SOME but NOT ALL of the things that WILL send you to hell for all eternity to be poked and prodded by Satan and his demon minions forever and ever:

1. Drunkenness
2. Believing in witches, faeries, aliens, UFOs, ghosts or dinosaurs
3. Lying
4. Murder
5. Having any sexual contact with a member of the same-sex
6. Having sex or thinking about having sex before entering a biblical marriage.
7. Believing in other gods.
8. Jealousy.
9. Laziness
10. Tattoos and body piercings
11. Taking the Lord's name in vain
12. Smoking cigarettes
13. Watching pornography, especially Internet porn.
14. Yoga
15. Reading Harry Potter
16. Eating pork or touching pork products
17. Divorce
18. Listening to secular (non religious) music
19. Obesity
20. Rebelling against your parents


Anyone not bound straight for the fiery furnace?

There are so many things that will get you sent to hell and not everyone agrees on what they are - making it even more confusing and terrifying. Everything on this list came from various Internet sources and forums of people discussing/arguing about what constitutes damnable sins. My favorite was the argument about dinosaurs and fossils being buried by Satan to deceive us. Well played Satan. Well played.

During my church experience this Sunday I learned about a few more things that guarantee me a seat on the hot volcanic embers that will be my eternal throne after death.

They are:

21. Praying for less than 30 minutes every day.
22. Not letting "The (Catholic) Church" tell you what to do
23. Multi-tasking prayer time - like praying while driving

"You cannot hope to get in heaven without at least 30 minutes of daily prayer. And it's best to pray early in the morning" said the catholic priest during his homily Sunday morning at The Cathedral Basilica. What if I can only pray 20 minutes a day? Am I still hell bound? Is God more receptive in the morning? Do I earn more heaven points if I pray between 5:00 - 7:00 am? How many points are needed to redeem the prize of heaven? If I pray every day but ONLY in the car while driving to work and I also help sick children and recycle and never watch porn am I still going to hell?

Yes. Yes I am. See, there's no leeway here. You have to follow the rules EXACTLY or you'll get to spend your afterlife in the bubbling steaming bowels of the earth. FOR-EV-ER. But be careful whose rules you follow - not every one knows God's requirement for heaven. So...good luck, because it's basically a total crapshoot.

I grew up with this mentality - believing in all manner of sins, not the dinosaurs part though. In my teens I believed hell was a real physical location you would be sent to if you didn't follow "God's plan" and remain free from sin. I said things like "love the sinner, but hate the sin" in reference to homosexuals. I chastised members of our youth group for wearing demonic 311 band t-shirts and loving metal music (I am so so sorry). I (tried) to avoid cursing. I pledged my virginity to my husband - who I was going to meet and marry in college and then we would travel the world as missionaries raising our kids to walk in Christ.

Then life got a little more complicated. Silverchair and Beck (non religious popular 90's musicians)frequented my Discman. All the delightful gay boys I danced with in theatre productions didn't seem like the evil heathens my church had made them out to be. Around 15 I had my first real "sexual experience" and I cried and cried because I thought I had broken my pledge to God. Surely I was beyond redemption and headed straight for hell. I felt a tremendous amount of guilt. Guilt I carried for a long time. But in the end it was all the guilt I decided to let go of and not the perfectly natural enjoyable experiences available in this world. It took some time, but I decided I could love Beck and homosexuals and pre-marital sex and God too.

Guilt seems to be a prominent feature in the Catholic church. Many of the prayers and call and responses during the service were about being "unworthy" "a lowly sinner" "unfit" etc, etc. There was a lot of emphasis on not quite doing everything right. Did you go to Mass this week? Hmm...only once, well...it would have been better if you went at least twice. How long since you've confessed your sins? How often do you pray? Was it at least 30 minutes of prayer? No?!? Do you even love God you worthless sack of sin? (They didn't actually say that stuff, but it was certainly implied.)

Get thee to confession! (I used the filter "Ablaze" for all the church photos today)

The notion that God created us to be fallible beings and then punishes us for the way HE created us to be just doesn't make sense. That God sounds like an asshole. Who sends someone to hell for only praying 20 minutes a day or missing a Mass here and there? An asshole that's who.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that God's not an asshole. So the likelihood that God is going to banish you to hell for all eternity for not doing everything The Catholic Church tells you do is about as likely as the physical fiery furnaces of hell actually existing. When I read about Gahenna, Tartaros and Dante's Inferno I can't help but think this notion of eternal damnation is like a game of telephone gone wrong. It sounds like a confused combination of literal, fictitious and mythological places mixed with nonsense and propaganda used to give religion/the church (too much) power. I don't buy into it. I'm not afraid of hell or God for that matter. I don't make choices in my life because of fear or what people tell me I "should" do. I follow my heart. The heart God gave me.

Now the place where I heard this horrible message of rigid religious ridiculousness was quite beautiful. If you are familiar with St. Louis you probably know of the Cathedral Basilica. It's hard to miss with it's massive size, it's Roman dark grey features and giant green glass dome just brushing the St. Louis skyline. Rain prevented me from snapping any photos the outside of the building.

Elaborate religious mosaics cover every wall and the entire ceiling in the enormous cathedral. Unique multi-colored marble pillars circle the well-lit statue of Jesus hanging on the cross. Deep cherry wood pews are detailed with carvings of crosses at each end. Sparklingly gold tiles make the place feel like a King's palace and it is. It's God's palace and it's really visually impressive.

It was also really cold. I mean freezing. Many people were wearing coats inside while it was 90 degrees outside. Sitting there in the pew next to my mother and father who were in town for the St. Louis Art Fair I found myself questioning how Jesus would feel about sustainability if he lived in the now. As the head priest was slowly kissing Bibles the altar boys were somberly assisting the other priests in various religious rituals I didn't understand I sat there contemplating various "If Jesus Were Here Now..." questions. Would Jesus recycle? Would Jesus wear jeans to church? Would Jesus like Wilco? Would Jesus be as bored as I am right now? Would Jesus let everyone come take communion or only the Catholics? Would Jesus be a good dancer...could he sissy bounce? Would Jesus be annoyed by the small child who WILL NOT STOP MAKING NOISE? How would Jesus feel about my church journey?

You weren't allowed to take pics during the service, but I did. I'm a heathen.

This went on for a while. When I'm in a situation I find boring I turn to my brain for entertainment and it never fails me. I just sat there thinkin' about Jesus in a Wilco band t-shirt collecting cans for the recycling bin and waited until church was over.

I didn't enjoy the service. I will say it was peaceful. I will say that. I've been inside the Cathedral a few times and always found it very calming. Having such a beautiful place to reflect on God is an asset for the city of St. Louis. But truthfully, I liked it better when there wasn't a service. I prefer my own personal loving relationship with God over the harsh rigid judgemental one preached during the Sunday service. We must be talking about different Gods. Oh well. Agree to disagree.

After service I grabbed a bite with my family and was off to my second day of Loufest - a fabulous music festival in Forest Park. It was the exact opposite of calm and peaceful. BUT after waiting all year I finally got to see Alabama Shakes - the band I wrote about many posts ago who I had to miss after they were stuck in a snow storm. I got as close as I wanted to get in a crowd of sweaty people who had been enduring the hot sticky weather all day and I rocked out to Brittany's strong soulful voice. It was glorious and WAY better than church.




Stay cool my fellow sinners. It's toasty out there.

In the distance...ALABAMA SHAKES Woo!

* If you get a chance go see Fitz and the Tantrums, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros and Wild Belle live...because they are so so so so so so so so good.

 

Snack Tables and Songwriting 101: James River Assembly of God

The pastor's final prayer seemed to take forever.

My head was bowed. My hands were folded. My body still.

But my young mind wasn't with God. Oh no.

My eyes moved toward the back of the sanctuary plotting my course.

I had to be the first kid to the donut table. At any cost.

As soon as the organ began it's usual reverent tune I was off.

In those days my devout family sat at the front of the sanctuary - making my journey an arduous one. This is where my love of procuring an aisle seat began. You had to be quick to get past the old ladies who also shared the first few pews. They were talkers and lingerers. Standing like giant perfumed statues in the aisles talking about various things that didn't matter to a little girl with donuts on the brain. If you got stuck behind the ladies you were doomed. It was nothing but water and plain donut holes for you.

But that was just the first obstacle. You had Sunday School teachers who wanted to ask you questions, mothers trying to corral their small children and various grown-ups who needed to compliment you on your outfit or manners. I sprinted to the back of the sanctuary dodging congregation members like a quarterback. Until finally I arrived at my destination, the table of sheer delight, the holy grail, the reason you forced yourself to behave during worship service- the refreshment table.

It wasn't much. There was "lemonade drink" and coffee and water. If you were lucky there were four kinds of donuts waiting for you - chocolate, powdered, cinnamon and sugar and plain. But after the saltines and water you got as your Sunday School "snack" they were a real treat. The powdered sugar ones we my favorite. I loved the way they clung to the roof of your mouth with their sugary goodness and sprinkled your lips and clothes in gentle dustings of white that demonstrated to everyone you were victorious. Your stealth like moves landed you in the winners circle where the powdered donut was the trophy of champions.

To an eight year old in an itchy petticoat exhausted from hearing hours of Bible lessons the refreshment table was heaven. It was magic. Perfection. Those snacks may as well have been prepared by Martha Stewart herself, because, to me, there was nothing better.


Flash forward twenty-two years later. I still get ridiculously excited about snacks. As I am writing this blog post I am texting my best friend discussing what snacks we are going to enjoy this evening pre and post workout. I love snacks! I love every kind of snack! So, on Sunday morning I made my Dad leave the house 45 minutes early because the church we were going to visit had the greatest refreshment table of all time and they served their snacks BEFORE the service began.

Yes, this church had it's very own.... STARBUCKS!!!!

This wasn't no donut hole and lemonade drink church. We were in the big leagues now.

I know what you're thinking...Starbucks. Woo. Big deal. There is one on every corner in pretty much every city across the country. But the little eight year old donut sprinter in me was exploding with excitement. THIS was truly the Holy Grail of refreshment tables and I would be damned if I didn't get a chai tea latte. Like a child I screamed out to my father through the house, "Come on Dad! We gotta go! Let's move it!"

As we approached the massive building off Highway 65 in Ozark, MO I realized I was way out of my league. There were more than just a few old ladies and screaming children to dodge. There were three thousand people eager to enjoy a coffee beverage of their choosing before the Jesus Show started. THREE THOUSAND PEOPLE!!!!

James River Assembly of God is truly a MEGA CHURCH.

This was taken from the highway and I STILL couldn't get all of it in the shot.





Men in bright yellow vests directed the swarms of cars trying to find parking in the expansive lots next to the massive building (Am I using enough adjectives to describe the enormousness of the place?) Luckily, we found a spot in the "1st Time Guest" section marked with welcome signs and balloons.

Walking through the front door was like stepping into the lobby of a big city attraction. Door greeters welcomed us.  A huge information table with four monstrous televisions screens providing information on upcoming events awaited us in the lobby. The lobby was the size of my entire childhood church. People were everywhere. The place was vibrating. Ten people waited behind computer screens to receive your child into their "Kid's Place" where they had giant slides and ball pits for your child's enjoyment. Then behind the information booth there it was - Starbucks. Fifty people were waiting patiently in line for their coffee and snacks. With only 5 minutes till curtain I didn't have time to snag a beverage. I was heart broken. But it was more important that we got good seats for the show. Walking away from the counter I said a quiet apology to the eight year old inside and sulked off down the hallway.





Starbucks....

We followed the signs to the "Auditorium". Not "the sanctuary". Not "the chapel". THE AUDITORIUM. Another set of greeters opened the wood doors to reveal an arena like space with seating for three thousand. Ushers found us two seats in the left rear Orchestra. They were very nice seats with lovely views of three movie theatre sized screens at the front of the stage. Minutes later the house lights were dimming, the praise band appeared and the show started.

IT'S TIME TO PRAISE THE LORD WITH SONG. Contemporary Christian worship songs.

Everyone is up on their feet, clapping their hands or raising their arms to the sky. Blue and red lights circle the stage. The giant screens now highlight various praise band members while scrolling song lyrics along the bottom. It felt like a rock concert...kinda. Everyone is singing, except me and my father. We are just taking it all in -looking around and watching people jump up and down for the Lord. I spent a lot of time surveying the sheer volume of people in this one place. After each song people would scream and applaud and shout their "amens", but my father remained silent and still. I've seen dozens of Broadway shows with this man and he does not clap out of kindness, like I do. He only applauds when he truly appreciates something and he didn't care for the production that was James River's 10:45 Sunday Morning Worship Service. His stillness told me all I needed to know.

After the music was over my father leaned over and said, "You could probably go get a coffee now." Oh my god. You're right. My dream isn't crushed. They are just doing announcements and boring things right now and I have you to save my seat for me. You glorious man you who knows how deeply I long for a chai tea latte. YES!!! YES!!! I shall reign over the refreshment table once again!  "Okay" is all I said as I excused myself from my chair and headed gleefully down the hallway to the now very short Starbucks line.

Out in the lobby I found giant screens broadcasting the service for latecomers and coffee addicts. As I waited in line they did an pretty spectacular advertisement for their "Life Groups" that featured various people around town busting out in uncontrollable dance moves. Our local TV celebrities from KY3 were even featured on the ad. James River has some impressive marketing and advertising.

With my delicious chai tea latte now in hand I headed back to my seat. The sermon was just starting. A man with a unique Australian accent gave a sermon about "glorious ruins". At least, that's what I think it was about. He kept repeating "glorious ruins" roughly fifty times. He said other stuff too, but it was your standard globidyglook. He read lots of Bible versus and emphasized certain words and repeated things and walked around the stage. There was something about gratitude and "the best is yet to come". I got more from my chai tea and quality time with my Dad than I did anything else.

After the sermon I was ready to go. James River is kind of a legendary church in my hometown and I wanted to experience it for myself. So, I did. I went around taking pictures like a tourist - gawking at all the novelties. But, truthfully, I didn't get much from the experience. I didn't feel spiritually uplifted. I didn't feel closer to God. I didn't get any messages or insights or new exciting ideas....except one...

As the praise band was singing and the lyrics to their song were streaming across the MEGA screens, I couldn't help but wonder who writes these simple repetitive tunes that often rhyme and frequently don't make much sense. It seemed there was a basic formula:

Simple lyrics from Christian word pool + basic melody + catchy repeatable chorus + key change = Contemporary Worship Gold.

Could anyone write contemporary Christian Worship Tunes (CWT)? Could I?

I decided to find out.

On my drive back to St. Louis I started brainstorming various words that often appear in CWTs.



CWT Word Pool:

majesty   Jesus   rock   reign   love  power   glorious   always   fountain  Lord  King  forever  worship

praise   kingdom   heaven  river   holy   friend   redeem  light  joy  God  Savior  drink  spring  devil





Driving in the car with my brother music flowed from me like a glorious fountain.

Much to my brother's dismay I sang silly Christian songs at the top of my lungs while driving down the highway giggling to myself about how Jesus saves but he never shaves.

Then I got the idea for a slightly less contemporary song about loving Jesus all day long. It was kinda twangy, but I couldn't let it go. Writing Jesus songs is ridiculously fun!

Twenty minutes later THIS is what I came up with (lyrics below video):



**The sound quality isn't great, but I think you can get the idea...the idea that I am completely insane**

 
I'm Lovin' Him All Day Long

Jesus (He's my Savior)
Jesus (He's my King)
He's my everything
and I love Him all day long (all day long)

Jesus (He's my Savior)
Jesus (He's my King)
He's my everything
He's my lovin' Jesus
and I love him all day long.

When I eat my lunch (i'm lovin' him)
When I go to brunch (i'm lovin' him)
When I have a hunch
I'm lovin him all day long

When I'm in the dark (i'm lovin' him)
When I'm at the park (i'm lovin' him)
When I hear those angels hark
I'm lovin' him all day long

(chorus)

When I go to school (i'm lovin' him)
Hangin' in the pool (i'm lovin' him)
My Jesus he's pretty cool
I love him all day long

When I'm on the mend (i'm lovin' him)
Hangin' with my friends (i'm lovin' him)
Beginning to end
I'm lovin' him all day long

(chours)




Alright then...there ya go. James River inspired me to write praise songs and actually I've come up with a few more. I encourage you to give it a try. It's ridiculously fun and easy to do. Go for it! Then send me your videos. I'd love to see what you come up with! We'll have a sing-a-long. I'll make margaritas! Until next time...


Praise Ye The Lord!